Hook, Line, and Murder
2/10
More like ‘Hook, Line, and Stinker’, amirite?
Though this was a short novel, the authors, Jessica Fletcher, Donald Bain, and Renée Paley-Bain, two of whom actually exist, compensated with this through rapid exposition and characterisation. “Maureen was our sheriff’s second wife. His ex, Adele, had opted to return to New York City where Mort had been a member of the police force before abandoning the Big Apple for Cabot Cove’s more quiet life. But that was not what Adele had in mind, and after trying out Cabot Cove for a few years she decided it was not for her.”; “Brian went on to say how much he hated Alice’s father back then. He found it ironic that he lived with his father and Alice lived with her father, too. Both men had been widowed and were left to raise a young child alone. Alice had been seven when her mother succumbed to the flu. Brian was three when his mother died giving birth to a stillborn boy. He said that he often thought about his mother and the brother he never got to see, and thought his father probably did, too.” Jessica Fletcher is represented in the text as if she is a perfect and amazing person with zero flaws. Towards the beginning, she reassures the anxious Maureen that fishing takes time to learn and become good at. Her humour is so inoffensive and safe, that I was more laughing at, than with her. “’She’s not much of a baker at three and a half but she loves to make cookies with her mom. And her dad loves to eat them.’ ‘And share them,’ I added.”; “Was that strange odor I detected eau de bear?” Nevertheless, I contend that Jessica is a whiney, judgemental old bat. “I felt myself sigh. Trying to capture the attention of young people on their cellular phones was not an easy task”; “I shook my head. I would be deaf in no time if I listened to music at that volume all day”; “I knew it wasn’t one of my neighbors, who would more likely simply come in through the back porch without a by-your-leave”; “’I thought I was having fun being retired,’ Sharon said, snapping her seat belt over her ample stomach.” It was not enough for her to just diss fat and young people, “a car pulled into one of the driveways, and an elderly lady got out, leaning on a cane… “’Are you looking for things to do?’ I asked. ‘Because our senior center offers lots of activities and courses.’ ‘Do I look that old to you?’ she asked indignantly.” Is Jessica completely oblivious? She is an ‘elderly woman’, and this sighting is just after she describes being totally out of breath after walking up a small hill! I will commend the book for showing some restraint and not making Jessica the winner of the fishing derby. For the most part, I found the plot really boring, stupid, unrealistic, and repetitive. While I predicted early on that Brian was guilty of the murder of Caruthers, of course it couldn’t be such a salt of the earth character. No. Instead, it was the most obviously evil and disagreeable character, Pelletier, whom I disregarded because it was just too obvious. Silly me. Expecting some sort of twist or revelation. His confession was so easily obtained, despite Jessica or Mort having no evidence or any convincing argument to justify accusing him. The hostage situation was totally preposterous, wherein anybody could step up to the bullhorn and have a go. My main criticisms of the book, which is competently written, though nothing special, are that Jessica doesn’t really do any mystery solving and that it’s a book for people who are dumb. The sum total of her investigations are getting a ‘lucky stone’ and note from Jepson’s aunt and asking a legal secretary who the last person that spoke to Wes Caruthers on the phone was. With regard to the book dumbing everything down, Jessica says to Mort; “’Jepson?’ I asked, changing the subject. ‘What?’ he asked. ‘Jepson,’ I said. ‘Have you—?’ ‘You’re thinking the same thing that I am?’ he said.”; about twenty pages after any compos mentis reader would have put two and two together and strongly suspected that Maureen had been kidnapped. When I read the following line, I could visualise the exact expression from my limited knowledge of the TV show. “I raised one brow at my friend and gave him my best skeptical look.” The book also completely disrespects the character Barnaby Longshoot. The poor guy is just relaxing and in both of his appearances in the text, but is treated like garbage. “’Do I get one on the house, too?’ Barnaby asked. ‘Do I ask you to vacate that stool that you occupy all day, keeping paying customers from having a seat?’ ‘No, ma’am.’ ‘Then there’s your answer,’ Mara said.” #Justice4BarnabyLongshoot. I had a good chuckle when a dog who hates the Irish is used to track Maureen. “She ducked beneath the still-spinning blades and ran forward, leading a black-and-tan dog wearing a red collar with a badge attached.” This is before the most irrelevant and pointless details about said dog are included. “’He’s a Belgian Malinois.’ ‘Kind of looks like a small German shepherd to me,’ Mort said. ‘They probably share a common ancestor,’ Ong said. ‘We use both breeds, and sometimes a Labrador retriever as well. The Malinois is a high-energy dog. They’re known for their intensity, endurance, and intelligence.’” Get on with it! For some reason, the book also has some social commentary. “…but I’m sure you won’t be surprised if I remind you how many people don’t read a newspaper or watch television. And those who get their information online are more likely to click on a funny cat video than a news story about an escaped con”. Leave the critiques of modern society to more intelligent books, Jessica Fletcher, Donald Bain, and Renée Paley-Bain.
